Getting My Five A Day: My Top 5 Morrissey Solo Songs

After my look at my Top 5 Beatles songs, my plan was to follow up with a similar list of songs by The Smiths. However, trying to isolate 5 tracks by The Smiths is like trying to choose my 5 favourite heartbeats, or my 5 favourite breaths.....simply a task too far. So I've decided instead to attempt  a scrutiny of my Top 5 songs from Morrissey's solo years to date. Whilst only marginally an easier task (I've already changed the list three times), it's fair to say, and with no disrespect meant to Morrissey, that his solo output has never had the mercurial, life altering wallop of his previous muse.

Whilst The Smith's oeuvre can clearly be seen as one whole, Morrissey's solo work is altogether fractured, bewildering and yet still magically powerful and compelling.
Once again, the songs are not in list of preference, but purely in chronological order.
And we begin with one of his most obscure tracks of all....

'Tony The Pony'(1991)

I've never understood Morrissey's choice of singles, especially while studying what he puts on the B-Sides. All the way back to the earliest days of The Smiths he's put spectacular songs on the flip of an underwhelming A-side; the most obvious case in point being that he put both 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want' and 'How Soon Is Now?' on the reverse of the decidedly average 'William, It Was Really Nothing'. Seriously?? Or 'Rubber Ring' and 'Asleep' on the B-Side of the lumbering 'The Boy With The Thorn In His Side'!
And so it continues into his solo career, and from the troublesome 'Kill Uncle' period he shoves one of his best songs on the B-Side of possibly his ropiest ever single, 'Our Frank'.
I've always felt that 'Tony The Pony' was something of a kiss-off to The Smiths. It would be the last time he would release anything that sounded like The Smiths, or upon which he sang like 'Morrissey Of The Smiths'. With 'Kill Uncle', Morissey had never sounded so out of step with the rest of Pop music. As Baggy melded with Dance music, and Grunge seeped across the ocean, an air of communal hedonism prevailed. Hardly a time for Morrissey to release an album that conjured up George Formby, Ealing comedies and 1970s cultural traits. It was an album that finished off a large number of his less devoted fans, yet oddly it has grown in stature now we are 20 years on since its release.
Hidden away as the extra track on lead-off single 'Our Frank', 'Tony The Pony' is a pure slice of what Morrissey does best; over a Smithseque shimmer, his voice captures that melancholic twilight feel that made The Smiths eponymous debut album a thing of great beauty. Still seemingly harking back to his adolescence("Still drinking on the corner// Well, just don't say I didn't warn ya// Always nagging big brother// He's only looking out for ya"), the song is bathed in the gloaming light of late teen years, and the mix of sighed vocals coupled with the occasional lapses into falsetto remind of why I fell under Morrissey's spell at such a transitional age.
The song also contains some of my favourite moments in Morrissey's solo work; "You're drunk quicker// And you're sicker even quicker// Well something heavy is gonna fall on you//Aaaooooo//Aaaooooo", and the hilariously drolly sung "I will never say I told you so// Oh how I knew that something bad would happen to you// I don't wanna say I told you so// Oh but Tony.....I TOLD YOU SO!"
The song also marks (as far as I'm aware) the only time Morrissey has used the F-Word in a song("There's a free ride on fucked up Tony"), and yet coyly he still distorts his vocal to make difficult it to hear!
A triumph then....and the last time he would ever sound like this.....
 

'I've Changed My Plea To Guilty'(1991)

In the immediate aftermath of the critical mauling dealt out to 'Kill Uncle', Morrissey ditched the session musicians and roped in ex-Polecat Boz Boorer to whip up a touring band to get back on the road and re-connect with his audience. In 1991, it was five years since he had last toured and the cabin fever was beginning to tell.
Early fruits of the new band were passable to say the least. First single 'Pregnant For The Last Time' was okay, but 'My Love Life' saw a familiar pattern arising where Morrissey seemed to believe that simply repeating the title of the song over and over again somehow counted as lyrics (see 'You're The One For Me, Fatty' and 'We Hate It when Our Friends Become Succesful'). But once again Morrissey put a fantastic song on the B-Side of a very average single!
'I've Changed My Plea To Guilty' is one of the best songs from that whole troublesome period where he seemed musically and culturally out of step. And yet....it's not actually the officially released version that I've come here to praise. No, for me the best versions of this song are the live versions from the time. Probably my favourite version of the song is the one found on the 'Higher Education' bootleg album which is a recording of a concert in Utrecht. There's a moment in the second verse, during the lines "Outside there is a pain// Emotional air-raids exhausted my heart", where, just after the word 'pain' he does this kind of two second melodic hum, and it's tiny moments like that which he actually dots throughout all his live concerts, that have kept me collecting bootleg recordings of his career for almost 30 years now. These little inflections, that he somehow refuses to do on recorded versions of the songs, accentuate the emotional punch of the songs and are what makes listening to his live work (regardless of how badly recorded) so compelling.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find the Utrecht version online to demonstrate what I meant (although the whole concert recording can be found on Youtube), but this version from an appearance on an old Johnathan Ross show will suffice. And, while people still bang on about his matinee idol good looks today, it's almost shocking to see that he was once this beautiful! (Griff: Are you sure you consider your status to be 'happily married'??)


'Lifeguard Sleeping, Girl Drowning'(1994)

One of the biggest criticisms I've always heard against Morrissey by non-believers is that they can't stand his voice. Many see it as flat, droning and (yawn) depressing, and part of that stems from the fact that he doesn't seem to like recording his vocals. In concert he always seems much more vocally animated and seems to actually enjoy singing. Not something you always get from the records (take the "In my life" lines from 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now' as a case in point....notoriously flat on the record, sparkling on any live version!).
So when Morrissey deliberately alters his voice, or sings in an atypical style, the results are often startling. None more so than on this under-appreciated gem from the 'Vauxhall & I' album.
Morrissey's voice on 'Lifeguard Sleeping, Girl Drowning' is so far removed from his usual practise that it's positively miraculous. Against a similarly atypical backdrop of Jazz bass and woodwind, Morrissey's voice hovers like an argent cloud, like someone trying to whisper a scream and illuminates beautifully the tragic tale unfolding in the lyrics.
A young girl, desperate to catch the attention (and heart) of the handsome lifeguard, swims too far out and slips beneath the waves while the lifeguard dozes unknowingly.
Morrissey's solo career has often been criticised for never being overly adventurous, and when you hear a track so against the norm as this, you can merely concur....



'It's Hard To Walk Tall When You're Small'(2004)

After back to back underwhelming albums ('Southpaw Grammar' and 'Maladjusted'), 1997 saw Morrissey begin seven years of silence. That's even longer than John Lennon's legendary 'Lost Weekend' or the wait for The Stone Roses' second album. Thankfully his profile was kept high by both the Internet and his decision to keep playing live, despite no new product to promote.
When he returned in 2004, new album 'You Are The Quarry' was hailed as a critical and commercial success. But for me it still wasn't the real deal....not only were there too many plodding, dull tracks('The World Is Full Of Cashing Bores', 'How Could Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel'), but also, and stop me if you've heard this one before, he was putting out superior songs on the B-Sides of the accompanying singles! When he sang 'Oh Well, I'll Never Learn' on the B-Side of 'Suedehead', I didn't think he meant it literally.
There, on the B-Side of lead off single 'Irish Blood English Heart' was another hidden classic. 'It's Hard To Walk Tall When You're Small' kicks off sounding like it's going to be The Clash's 'Tommy Gun' and then features a guitar run that sounds not unlike 'Babylon's Burning' by The Ruts. Morrissey has often been seen to attack Smiths drummer Mike Joyce both in print and in song, and this looks like it may be another dig at his former bandmate. The whole lyric is about someone not having enough clout to mix it with the big boys, and the refrain "Hey Ringo, It's sad though" seems a blatant reference to his ex-drummer.
I've always loved Morrissey's use of falsetto in his songs, all through his career, and this song is no exception; "I burst into public bars// And I throw my weight around// (falsetto)And no one can even see me// No one can even see me", and then in the breathtaking finale, working himself up into a frenzy, "So compadre please do this for me// Compadre please weep for me// Compadre, compadre// Please....weep....for me!"....
 

'Life Is A Pigsty'(2006)

Quite astonishing! An incredible EIGHTEEN years into his solo career and he releases, for me, his greatest ever solo song!
'Ringleader Of The Tormentors' was everything I had hoped 'You Are The Quarry' would be, and I think it may be his greatest solo work. At the time, Morrissey had decamped to Rome and the influence of the city and of film director Pier Paolo Pasolini is all over it. On first single 'You Have Killed Me', Morrissey even claims to be Pasolini, although why he would feel any affiliation with a homosexual Marxist I'll leave up to you, dear reader. There's also the fact that sometime Pasolini collaborator Ennio Morricone arranges the strings on 'Dear God, Please Help Me', and then there's 'Life Is A Pigsty', possibly referencing Pasolini's 1969 film 'Porcile'('Pigsty') which features a young man who kills his own father. The album has a song called 'The Father Who Must Be Killed' .

Like the film 'Pigsty', 'Life Is A Pigsty' is split into two sections. The first is a lumbering, pulsating groove coated in artificial rain which features one of my favourite opening lines of his entire output, "It's the same old S.O.S// But with brand new broken fortunes// And once again I turn to you". This continues for a few minutes before the song slows down with only keyboards and the rain, and then a strummed guitar ushers us into the next section with Morrissey repeating the song's title with increasing drama. Then the song builds upon crashing cymbals as Morrissey declares his undying love before crying out in a voice at the zenith of it's emotional power, "I can't reach you// I can't reach you// I can't reach you anymore!" The whole effect is startling, and when Ray and I went to see him at the Albert Hall in Stirling on that year's tour, this was the undoubted highlight. I'd go as far as to say it was the highlight of his now 24 year solo career.
For me it was a valediction, proof that despite a few mis-steps, Morrissey still had the gifts to surprise, enlighten and move me. Proof that he was THE songwriter, not just of my generation, but of my lifetime. And while I admit that I tend to slip into 'gush mode' when discussing Morrissey (Griff: To put it mildly!!), then I offer no apologies but find myself wondering if Bono or Chris Martin elicit the same emotions from their listeners.
Somehow I doubt it!

Choosing 5 Morrissey tracks wasn't quite as hard to do as I imagined, as the 5 songs I've chosen I do view as the high-water marks of his solo years. The songs practically chose themselves. And while I appreciate that there are a lot of fine songs I've left off the list, these 5 are the ones I simply couldn't imagine life without.
And the good thing is that 'Life Is A Pigsty' proves he may yet have more classics up his sleeves to come!
One can but hope.....  

~Gordon~

Punk's Not Dead!!

In these times of financial insecurity and much belt tightening amongst the great unwashed, you'd expect rock stars or the music industry in general to act with a bit of tactful decorum; maybe to drop the prices of CDs and downloads, maybe to offer free tracks from their websites....you know, civilised, good natured understanding of the people whose cash lined their nests.
But NO....it appears this is not to be the case, for it appears every multi-millionaire rock goblin feels it necessary to release 'lavish' box-sets of material virtually all of their fandom already owns many times over. And it appears that it's the same old whores fleecing their fans as it always has been; The Who re-re-re-releasing 'Quadrophenia' (why don't they all fade way?), whilst The Rolling Stones reissue deluxe boxes of albums that their fans didn't even like much the first time around ('Some Girls').

Then there's Pink Floyd! A bunch of torn-faced millionaires whose propensity for greed simply shows no sign of abating. Albums which have been reissued and remastered many times before are now available in 'Immersion Editions' which allow the listener to experience the whole sensurround involvement of albums they've probably heard thousands of times in the last 40 years, and at ludicrously extravagant prices! Floyd fans have been writing to Record Collector magazine in disgust that they cannot obtain any new mixes or extra tracks without having to fork out for the most expensive version of the box. Funny that, eh? Still, what do you expect from a band who allegedly want to stop I-Tunes and Amazon from 'unlocking' their albums; meaning that people can no longer buy individual tracks if they want them, they have to buy the whole album. Seems your 79p isn't good enough, not when they can strongarm you into paying the whole £11:99. Of course they'll say it's to protect the integrity of the album, but I say it's being a bunch of greedy chancers. I mean, exactly how much money do these greedy bastards actually need?? They've been multi-millionaires since flared trousers and casual racism were fashionable! I used to think that John Lydon wore his iconic 'I Hate Pink Floyd' tee-shirt purely as a wind-up but now I see he was way ahead of the game.
Rock stars have always been seen as ostentatious of course, but there comes a time, especially amid a general financial meltdown, where common decency should be required. And I realise that I'm laying myself wide open to accusations of hypocrisy here as my own favourites The Smiths release a lavish box-set of their own ('The Complete Smiths')....so let me address that issue as well.

A couple of people have already asked me if I was going to write a Blog about Morrissey's 'controversial' comments equating Anders Breivik's crimes with the slaughter of animals by the fast food giants, and I was actually going to but I let the moment slip by too far and it no longer felt relevant. Griff also asked me to write a rant against the John Lewis chain of shops for using 'Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want' in their Christmas ads, but to be honest I didn't have a problem hearing the song several times over the Christmas period and seeing the song slip into the charts.
But I'm afraid the release of 'The Complete Smiths' really got my goat!!

Way back in 1987, on the last official Smiths studio album 'Strangeways, Here We Come' there is a track called 'Paint A Vulgar Picture'. Not The Smiths best song by a long way, but one of Morrissey's most personal attacks on the avarice of the music industry, with the stinging sideswipe of "Re-issue, Re-package, Re-package!" and remarks about such piddley selling points as "an extra track and a tacky badge".
And yet what have we had from both Morrissey and The Smiths since Morrissey's career temporarily hit the buffers around 1997? Re-issues by the score! Albums that didn't sell very well at the time RE-PACKAGED with (yes!) extra tracks, but thankfully NO tacky badges! And guess what? They still didn't sell very well, but longtime fans can now have two versions of a fair-to-middling album. What a joy!
But this box-set, I feel, really rips the piss!
The albums are all 're-mastered' by Johnny Marr. What EXACTLY does that mean? It's not a selling point for me in any guise. If I, in some moment of Proustian reflection, wish to recall the wonder The Smiths music wrapped around me as it soundtracked the most pertinent moments of my teenage revelry, what am I most likely to reach for? The versions of the songs I know and love and have every second of tattooed upon my soul, or some new poncified 5.1 Surround mix with the drums and bass moved further to the front and the heart and soul of the songs ripped asunder. Excuse me if I don't indulge in some gladioli grasping pirouette around the room with happiness that the very aural lifeblood that sustained me through adolescence has now been tampered with! Fuck off Johnny....you more than anyone should understand the importance of the how the music sounds.
And where's the extra tracks to persuade the longtime fan to part with their hard earned cash? There are NONE (so I'm guessing the tacky badge is out the window!) About 10 years ago there was a bit of a buzz about a proposed Smiths box-set purely of rarities. Fans speculated on the Internet about what treasures lay in store....heartbreaking original acoustic demos? Live soundcheck versions of songs that were never played live ('Unloveable' for example)? Or perhaps the jewel in every Smiths fan's crown, the full version of very early gem 'I Want A Boy For My Birthday' of which less than a minute exists out there in Internetland. Well, I suppose if they won't give you them, I may as well offer them up myself....



Recent years have seen Smiths and Morrissey Best-Ofs in abundance, some in quite shoddy packaging, some complete with erroneous song titles (for phux ache!!), and some in sleeves created by people who clearly have no idea what The Smiths were about, and I'm afraid we just have to accept that Morrissey and Marr, whilst hardly skint, are just another pair of money grabbing rock stars. Where did all that independent spirit and integrity go? I find it heartbreaking, and I'll probably continue buying the new stuff, but I'm not shelling out any more hard earned cash for stuff I've already got many fold. Now, I fully realise that apologists for this behaviour can simply dismiss this rant by saying "You don't HAVE to buy it!", but the point is there was a time where I would have purchased Morrissey's bottled breath if it had been for sale, but enough is enough, and if Morrissey and Marr want to alter their fan's perceptions of them, then that's up to them.

And I feel that it must also alter our Blog!
For, as of today, I am no longer going to write about greedy rock stars. From now on I intend only to cover new or unsigned bands, or artists who generally go out of their way to buck the money-grabbing trend, hold maverick opinions on the whole music industry carbuncle, or who embody a whole anti-capitalist, non-conformist idea of music and art.
It's like 1975 again out there, and we may have said that Punk can never happen again, but it can, in spirit at least if not in music, within the confines of our Blog....Griff already only writes about new music or artists who issue their songs for free, and Ray's contempt for pampered affluent rock star arseholes grows more virulent every day. As such I expect our Blog will become less like The Guardian and more like Fight Racism, Fight Imperialism (the paper of the Revolutionary Communist Party).....SO BE IT!

Punk's Not Dead!

¡No pasarán!

~Gordon~

~Nippy Sweeties~#9: No Milk Today

Okay, here's the script:
There's this band from Manchester who decide to go against the grain of the times and ditch any phoney American accents, and choose to sing in their own Mancunian voice, mixing lyrics that deal with everyday English life with the fabric of Rock'n'Roll. They're fronted by a lead singer who looks NOTHING like a conventional rock frontman but who exudes a strange charm, coupling an immediate charisma with the trappings of the dork or the nerd. Their music is a blend of pure Pop/Rock mixed with some old time English Music Hall; kind of Keef Richards backing George Formby. So who am I talking about?
Well, given that I've already written a fairly lengthy eulogy to The Smiths, we can safely conclude it's not them. No, we're going back two decades prior to the glory days of The Smiths to the mid 60s, and to the time of Herman's Hermits.
Now, these Nippy Sweeties affairs are written for two purposes; to shine a light on obscure or forgotten gems from the 1960s, or to re-assess and re-evaluate the careers of some of the more maligned bands from that era. And just as I banged the drum for the brilliance of The Monkees, it's time to don the whistles and bells and sing out the praises of another fine and under-appreciated band.
The history books are rather harsh on Herman's Hermits. The first book I ever read on the phenomenon of the 1960s, back in 1984, really tore them to shreds; mocking their cheeriness, lambasting their 'goofy' lead singer Peter Noone and, as with The Monkees, viewing them as an embarrassment not fit to stand along side The Beatles, The Stones, The Kinks or The Who. Tish and pish to you Sir; what exactly is wrong with some good old fashioned pure Pop music? Something the Hermits delivered in spades.
While the Hermits were often viewed rather incredulously in Britain, they were absolutely MASSIVE in America. They arrived in the States just as America's love affair with The Beatles was starting to sour, following John Lennon's 'bigger than Jesus' remarks. Watch any footage of disgruntled teens angry at Lennon from the time, and when they are asked who they now favour, Herman's Hermits are the favourite answer. Another reason for the disdain!

But the music is quite wonderful.
After the toothachingly chirpy 'I'm Into Something Good' which broke them and gave them their only UK Number 1, they followed with a fine run of superb singles, all of which had that little bit of Britishness that the Yanks really went for in a big way.
The wistful 'Silhouettes' is a case in point. Like many of The Smiths' songs that had meant so much to me in my teenage years, here we have another song about being out and about on the streets at night. The protagonist is walking to his girlfriend's house when he sees her shadow embracing another boy, silhouetted against the blinds. Mad with heartbroken rage he pounds on the front door demanding answers, only to be confronted by two strangers! It turns out he's on the wrong street. If you live in Bannockburn (or any small town) you'll know that many streets all look the same.
The song is interesting because, as was the case with many records of the time, the producer had called in session musicians to ensure the playing was up to snuff, but the guitarist they had hired just couldn't cut the fiddly guitar intro, so the band's lead guitarist Derek 'Lek' Leckenby caught it in one take:


Next major single, 'A Must To Avoid'(now there's a Smiths-esque title!!) was another splendid slice of early 60s Beatpop, with a some nice descending minor chords on the chorus. The fact that the song deals with a girl who isn't all sweetness and light is another thing which set the Hermits apart from the others a little:


Detractors of Herman's Hermits often point to the asinine Musical Hall efforts that seem to blight their catalogue. In a recent interview, former members of the band pointed out that the massive Stateside success of their song 'Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter' was responsible for the band's permanent 'Chirpy Cheeky Chappie' persona, yet the phenomenal success of the song guaranteed them a level of American support second only to The Beatles.
I think it's fair to say that the world didn't really need a Pop version of Kiddie's nonsense 'I'm 'Enry The Eighth, I Am', but the exaggerated English accents ensured another huge American hit:



One of the Hermits best songs, maybe even their finest of all, was the fantastic 'No Milk Today'. When I first got a decent computer and an MP3 player, this was the third song I ever downloaded, after Althea & Donna's 'Uptown Top Ranking' and Duran Duran's 'Save A Prayer'. It was a song that I had heard often on Simon Bate's Golden Hour radio show in the 1980s but had never really worked out what the sing was about. Again, over some melancholic minor chords, we learn that Peter's love has left him and the house that once rocked with laughter and wild times now stands quiet and forlorn. There's no need for the milkman to leave any milk as SHE was the only one who drank it.
Quite, quite splendid:


1967 was a weird old year for Pop music, as it was the year that even the most Conservative of our Pop Stars decided to release Acid soaked Psychedelic explorations of their inner mind. Most of this nonsense resulted in many bands releasing their worst records including The Beatles ('Sgt Pepper' and 'Magical Mystery Tour'....both stinkers compared to the rest of their oeuvre), and The Rolling Stones (whose 'Their Satanic Majesties Request' is considered by almost all their following as the real dog in their 60s output!)
Herman's Hermits were no different, releasing the little heard 'Blaze' album. I say 'little heard', it wasn't even released in the UK, securing only an American release. But it does stand up as a fine document of the times.


The Hermits had a couple of Movie projects in the 60s; they appeared in a couple of Various Artists showcase movies such as 'Pop Gear' and 'When The Boys Meet The Girls', before securing their own movie with 'Hold On!' in which the band are sent of into space(!?!). The film was made by the team who made the Beach Party movies and was a moderate hit.
Their next and last project, 'Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter' wasn't a hit, but was a far better film. More gritty than their previous effort, the film is shot in authentic Mancunian backstreets with the titular 'Mrs. Brown' being a greyhound which the band somehow adopt. The film is notable for it's fine opening song 'It's Nice To Be Out In The Morning' (one of their best), and for a rather poignant scene in which all the grown-up characters in the film; parents etc, start singing a song called 'The World Is For The Young' in which they admit they've had their chance at life at blown it, and it's the young kids of the *cough* Swinging Sixties who run the world now. A rather strange and beautiful moment in a rather odd film.



Herman's Hermits never really survived beyond 1969. Again, in a recent interview, Peter Noone said he felt the band's name hampered them a great deal; "Nobody expects 12 minute guitar solos, or free-form Psychedelic Jazz workouts from a band called Herman's Hermits" he claims.
But they did give some of the finest Pure Pop from that decade.

Hermans Hermits personnel: Peter Noone - vocals, Keith Hopwood - guitar, Lek Leckenby - guitar, Karl Green - bass, Barry Whitwam - drums

In 1989, at his most 'English', Morrissey recorded a cover of the Hermit's most cynical song 'East West', a song which deals with being on tour but wanting to be back in the arms of your love; check and contrast:



~Gordon~

You can download all of Herman's Hermits original American released Mono albums at this fine Blog

~Kitten Wine~#9: "Everybody Wants To Be Joe Dallesandro"

A Look Back At The Smiths Debut Album



It's all about sex you know!
No really...it is! Listen:

Early 1984, Interviewer; "It's been said that your songs are not so much 'love songs' as 'sex songs'..."
Morrissey; "Yes....though it sounds almost brutal, but....yes".

See!

Ask anyone what The Smiths greatest album is and more often than not will come the reply 'The Queen Is Dead'. Morrissey and Marr both claim that it's 'Strangeways, Here We Come', but they're both well off the mark. For me, everything that is great about The Smiths, everything that raises them well above any other band or cultural phenomenon that has existed in my lifetime, is their eponymous debut album. Everything that, for me, defines The Smiths can be found within their debut album and the accompanying singles and B-sides....everything, in fact, pre-'Meat Is Murder'. From 'Meat Is Murder' onwards The Smiths became a different(though still magnificent) band, but
'The Smiths' offered something totally anomalous, something totally out of step with the times, something loaded with menace, longing, dread, lust and of course....sex.

But first, a bit of contextualising.

Back in mid 1983, when I was still at school, I saw the movie 'Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush', a swinging 60s romp in which our hero played by Barry Evans(who would later find infamy as the teacher in the gruesome racist sit-com 'Mind Your Language') spent the movie trying to win the girl of his dreams and lose his virginity....though not necessarily at the same time. Through the course of the movie he gives a direct-to-camera running commentary, kind of like Michael Caine in 'Alfie'. A short time after this my folks decided I was old enough to watch mid-70s sex comedy 'Confessions Of A Window Cleaner', in which Robin Askwith as our hero Timmy Lea finds himself waist deep in sexual situations, again all the while delivering his thoughts to camera.
What, you may be asking has all this got to do with 'The Smiths'? Well, because of these films I imagined that my own adolescent fumblings would be accompanied by my giving some kind of running commentary to the waiting public. Obviously it wouldn't, but the reasons I fell in love with The Smiths is that the lyrical content, especially of 'The Smiths' sounded like the commentary I should have been giving.

'The Smiths' is an album full of sex.....straight sex, gay sex, bi-sex, underage sex, sex in cars, sex at the hands of a woman more masculine than the male protagonist, clumsy sex, sex that leads to unwanted pregnancy.....
It's an album that creates it's own world entirely, a perfectly contained world housed in bruise/lovebite coloured sleeve featuring a naked man. A world where Morrissey doesn't have too much of a past to conjure poetry from....you get the feeling that these are lyrics he HAD to write out of necessity rather than as a vocation. He still references school and the clumsiness of youth as though they were still occurring. These are the thoughts and words of a young man bursting to express himself in a way that would be incongruous to anything else happening in pop or rock at that, or indeed any time.

Back in the long cold Winter of 1983 my friends and I used to prowl the streets at night, bored senseless and literally busy doing nothing. We used to congregate at a cafe called The Fountain, an unglamorous greasy-spoon affair that no longer exists but which has become a fixture of our teenage folklore. Hence, it only seems appropriate that 'The Smiths' should begin with lumbering epic 'Reel Around the Fountain', a song that would take on a different meaning looking back. "It's time the tale were told// Of how you took a child// And you made him old...", not lyrics detailing child abuse as the right-wing press ranted at the time, but a gentle unfurling of the flag of manhood. Is it a kiss, is it sex that has made the child in Morrissey come of age? "15 minutes with you// Well, I wouldn't say no// Though people see no worth in you//....I do" The camaraderie of the outsiders....the love of the weird for the weird....YOU were young once, right? You know how it goes! "Reel around the fountain// Shove me on the patio// I'll take it...slowly" Remind me what this album is about again!
A crash of drums and we pound into 'You've Got Everything Now', Morrissey reflecting back to his school days when he was on top and his downtrodden companion wilted in his shadow. But now it's all change and Morrissey's jealousy and frustration at his former friend's good fortune leads to a perplexing infatuation that he struggles to handle; "But I don't want a lover// I just want to be seen...in the back of your car".
To my musically uneducated ears back in 1983 'Miserable Lie' sounded positively startling; a slow ponderous intro, "So goodbye// Please stay with your own kind// And I'll stay with mine", what is Morrissey's 'own kind' do you reckon? Then the song suddenly bursts into vibrant life, with a whole bizarre collage of clumsy, awkward, typical teenage sex; "Please put your tongue away// A little higher and we're well away" and "I look at yours// You laugh at mine// And love is just a miserable lie" This is followed by an insane coda in which Morrissey shrieks falsetto "I need advice// I need advice// For nobody ever looks at me twice!!" Surely the best use of Janov's primal scream therapy heard in music since John Lennon's scathing 'Mother'! It's often been said that this song along with 'Jeane' and 'Wonderful Woman' document Morrissey's infatuation with Linder Sterling.
And Morrissey's obsession with strong women continues into 'Pretty Girls Make Graves' in which Morrissey finds himself at the hands of a woman who is "...too rough// And I'm too delicate", a brave statement for any rock star to make unless they are fully prepared to dodge the brickbats of lazy, prejudiced opinion. As Morrissey's companion begs "Give in to lust//Give up to lust// Oh heaven knows we'll soon be dust ... " Morrissey refuses and watches as she goes off with another man. When you're 16, clumsy and shy, to hear someone actually put all this into the words of a pop song is incredibly liberating and inspiring. It's songs like these that, on hearing them at the right time, changed my DNA...Songs That Saved Your Life? You bet!
At this point I realise I haven't mentioned Johnny Marr yet, but with the next track it's impossible not to. 'The Hand That Rocks the Cradle' is quite unlike anything else from that time, it features no chorus or middle eight to speak of, just a continuous guitar pattern over which Morrissey delivers a stream of consciousness tale of wanted/unwanted pregnancy, childhood and parenthood(what it's certainly NOT about is child abuse....is it, Garry Fucking Bushell??) Morrissey takes on the role of a (possible) parent looking in on the cradle which may contain his baby son and we're suddenly immersed in some of the most beautiful lyrical poetry; "Ceiling shadows shimmy by// And when the wardrobe towers like a beast of prey// There's sadness in your beautiful eyes// Oh, your untouched, unsoiled, wonderous eyes// My life down I shall lie// Should restless spirits try// To play tricks on your sacred mind// To tease, torment or tantalise" Oh frabjous day!! Oh joy!! Some of my friends mock or fail to understand my devotion to Morrissey and/or The Smiths, but I still recall the first time I heard this....it made me cry then, and it makes me cry now.


(If you're expecting 'This Charming Man' next then you obviously don't have the original vinyl version of the album. TCM was only included on the WEA CD reissues)

Side Two then....
How do I begin to write about 'Still Ill'? 'Still Ill' is THE song, the hook that ensnared me and pointed my life in a different direction. Truth be told, 'This Charming Man' is one of two songs that changed my life entirely; the other is 'Dog Eat Dog' by Adam & The Ants but I'd have to write an entire spiel about that song to try to explain why. 'This Charming Man' alerted me to The Smiths, the road to Damascus moment, but it was 'Still Ill' that sowed the seeds of a second heart.....one that would only ever beat or break for The Smiths. I can still recall when I first heard it....the John Peel show, early 1984...he'd just been given a copy of the album and played 'Still Ill' for David 'Kid' Jensen who WAS ill at the time. When Morrissey's voice first comes in, my entire life stopped in it's tracks....the old 'me' was gone, the new 'me' had arrived. That life affirming refrain, "Under the iron bridge we kissed..." OH Yessss!!!! Stirling is full of old bridges, iron or otherwise, and our lives seemed forever cast in their shadows....all teenage life was carried out under those bridges; underage drinking, messy fumblings, swaggering braggadocio, broken hearts and skinned knees.....Sore lips? We could but dream.


Morrissey has often regarded 'Hand in Glove' as the most important song he ever wrote and it's position as The Smiths' debut single(again housed in a twilight purple/grey sleeve with a naked man upon) bears this out. "The sun shines out of our behinds", their arrogance is not misplaced, "Yes we may be hidden by rags// But we've something they'll never have" ....once again, love amongst the outsiders.

Another single, 'What Difference Does It Make?" and another song seething with pent up lust. The way Morrissey growls "Oh, the Devil will find work for idle hands to do" followed shortly by "And now you make me feel so ashamed// Because I've only got two hands" you have to wonder just who Morrissey is attempting the dual-backed beast with....and more to the point, why does he need so many hands? Even though this was released as a single, The Smiths grew weary of the song very quickly and it disappeared from the live set after only a few plays. Still....that coruscating guitar intro gets me very time.
Let's jump a song now(which we'll come back to) and let's look at the closing track, 'Suffer Little Children'. Again, quite remarkable in it's set-up, no verse-chorus-middle-eight-brake-fade here, again Johnny Marr conjures a piece of extraordinary music leaving all peers in his wake. And Morrissey's lyrics? Well, these are the lyrics that convinced Johnny that he had a partner of equal genius here. Aaah, Morrissey and Marr....together as beautiful as a sunrise....apart, occasionally as ropey as an old cardigan. In 'Suffer Little Children' Morrissey exorcises his own personal ghosts by dealing with the Moors Murders, a crime which he was a potential victim of, given that he lived in that area at that time and was only 5 years old. Of course, the right-wing gutter press went apoplectic, again shrieking about child abuse, but Morrissey had pre-empted this and sought the blessings of the families of the victims, which he was granted. A tender, gorgeous ending to a remarkable album.
And there's still one song we've not spoken of....
There was a time that if you asked me my favourite Smiths song I would have replied 'Sweet and Tender Hooligan' but I think I was just trying to be a little clever. Then, for many years, it was 'Well I Wonder' from 'Meat Is Murder', a song that could easily have sat on this album, so beautiful, striking and exquisitely played it is. But, in truth, my favourite Smiths song is 'I Don't Owe You Anything'. No other song EVER captures my youth, my teenage frustration and exhilaration's like this one does. In our teenage years, my friends and I seemed to forever prowling the streets, doing nothing, going nowhere....just being. We'd walk the frozen pavements lit by the orange streetlamps, ill-dressed for the plummeting temperatures but uncaring. What were looking for? Where were we going? Was some great revelation about to be disclosed to us? Who knew? When my musical cohort Griff and I formed ~Sighrens~, one of the first lyrics Griff wrote was called 'The Last Of The Lights' which dealt with this very subject. In 'I Don't Owe You Anything' Morrissey is out on his own streets and his words resonated deep within me. "Bought on stolen wine// A nod was the first step// You knew very well what was coming next"; well maybe not stolen wine, but certainly underage purchased Merrydown Cider! "And did I really walk all this way// Just to hear you say// Oh, I don't want to go out tonight..." This is where it get's me...all those nights, walking to friends or a girl's house just to be casually knocked back...."...Oh but you will// For you must", and it's that tremor in Morrissey's voice on the word 'must' that does it! He knows that this is a time in which EVERY night is important, every night is an adventure, every night will be recalled and spoken of as the dulling grey of adulthood descends. In your mid/late teens EVERY night is SO important....OF COURSE they are going to come out with you....for they must!! "Too freely from your lips// Words prematurely sad"....more tear stained poetry far, far beyond his contemporaries, "You should not go to them// Let them come to you// Just like I do...", sage advice Steven, that way you don't look like an idiot and face constant rejection, I wasn't just listening, I was learning. And then, "Life is never kind// Oh, but I know what will make you smile tonight", and it's the way he quite audibly grins during this line that brings us back to what this album is all about.


'The Smiths' is easily the most played record in my entire collection, and time has been very kind to it. Some people used to argue that 'Hatful Of Hollow' was the better album as they believed it's lighter touch made it more palatable....Poppycock!! 'HOH' is whimsical and slender compared to it's dark, drunken, dangerous, delirious brother; it's leaden pall covering it like that first aching hangover. 'The Smiths' is a bruise that never fades, a keratoid scar upon my soul, a recollection of when my heart was full of hope and my head full of hormones. When I walked the streets with a layer of frost on my jacket and the taste of Revlon lipstick on my tongue. When a pop band could batter you senseless and leave you weeping on the pavement.

The most important album of my lifetime?

You've really have no idea...........

~Gordon~